u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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