i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
