So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
