Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
