can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
