she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
