Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
