somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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