It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
