i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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