Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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