Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
