i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
