Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
