i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
