I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
