At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
