it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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