everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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