my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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