I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
