wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
