Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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