Your face is a jimmy john
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
