I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
