Already got asked if we're dating
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a search helicopter?!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
