I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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