OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Welp...herpes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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