Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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