addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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