After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I need moral support for this bender
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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