omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
