I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My pussy is not your playground.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
