I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
