Will you blow on my dice?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The air was thick with penises
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
