i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
