All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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