one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
