In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
