woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
