what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
