I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
