I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
