Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
