omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
