I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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