so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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