There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
