i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
