My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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